Do we really speak the same language?

First, an apology – for being late!  No excuses – just an explanation:

This post relates to the show published (on most apps) on Tuesday 8th April.  Teething troubles on the pod distribution front have pushed everything else back; but from here on, the plan is to publish a new episode of the podcast on Tuesday and the corresponding blog towards the end of the same week.

If you haven’t heard the first programme in the series, it was a conversation with Julian Treasure, about the importance of listening, which he has long called ‘the gateway to understanding’.  I followed that with a look at something which either blocks the gate, or throws it wide open – language.

The format of this show is different from the previous, because we’ll hear from several guests; but there are still three parts:

Part 1 – conflict-related news – this time, of course, it has to be Trump’s tariffs!;

Part 2 – myth-busting – with contributions from:

·         Dutch-born business coach, Hugo Heij and

·         American businesswoman, Colleen Jolly.

Part 3 – Speaking from Experience - retired Solicitor, Chris Arnheim, talks about:

·         the purposes and pitfalls of jargon and

·         the ‘fight’ between clarity and precision. 

Also in this section, I’ll give you a conversational investment tip.

We finish with a very silly clip from one of the earliest professional podcasts I ever made – about trans-Atlantic networking.

Once upon a timeshare case (when I was in legal practice), I had to deal with someone in Tenerife who didn’t speak English – and I didn’t speak any Spanish!  That was a challenge, shall we say?; but at least we were both aware of it from the beginning.

On the show, we’re looking at the sort of trip hazards which aren’t quite so easy to spot – before we fall over them.  I’ve referred (on the programme) to overseas call centres – and I promised you a story about my own very recent experience.

For reasons I won’t bore you with, I haven’t been doing my personal banking online for a while.  Every time I need to speak to anyone at the bank, I have to explain why; but generally, the staff respect my reasons and get on with helping me deal with whatever the current issue happens to be.  That was until a couple of weeks ago.

Last week, though, things were different.  The operator began as everyone does:

‘I see you’re not using the app?’.  I started explaining what the issue has been – and that I’m aiming to sort it asap – when she said, ‘Well, can you download it later, please!’  Her tone was the kind you might use to a naughty child who hasn’t done as they’ve been repeatedly told to do – not a mature adult – and definitely not a customer, whose problem hasn’t been of their own making!

That was a classic example of being divided by a common language.  I understood her words perfectly – but in the moment, I completely misunderstood her meaning.  I was so cross, I considered moving my accounts.

The problem, I’m sure, has been created by a combination of training and culture.  The staff have obviously been told to encourage as many customers as possible to go online – and some people when they’re not speaking their own first language can come across as quite abrupt, can’t they?

I understand that – but I still hope I don’t need to call my bank again any time soon!  If their app works for me, great.  If not, I’ll be moving.

That brings me to some tips to help you break down language barriers, improve understanding and so de-escalate conflict, or even stop it before it starts:

1  Beware of assumptions:

Especially the one that says, ‘We use the same words, so we understand each other’.  If you’ve read the introduction to this blog, you’ll have seen some ‘rdinary English words’ which can mean very different things to different people – even when everybody is speaking their first language!

2  Words are only part of the story:

Context (including the medium we use to converse) shapes the content we exchange.  In spoken word interactions, of course, pace, tone, volume and intonation can create obstacles – but they also create opportunities to make ourselves clear.  We’ll talk about written conversations in the not too distant future.

3  Take a tip from Trump!:

That isn’t something you’ll hear from me very often.  If you’re a fan, I respect that – but I’m not  So why would I recommend we all follow his example?  Because one thing he’s very good at is speaking his audience’s language.

On the pod, I’ve made the point that in his original announcement of the new tariffs, he used ‘the language of victimhood’.  To tell you the truth, I was a bit surprised by that – at first.  The leader of the most powerful nation in the world using terms that suggest deprivation and oppression …?

Then I realized – yes, the world’s media were all watching and listening, but he was really talking to a substantial proportion of the people who voted him in – on both occasions: people who feel (with justification) that they’re victims of America’s loss of industry.

The more you know about who you’re talking to – and which language (in the broadest sense) they’re most comfortable with, the better-placed you’ll be to talk to them, not at them.

4  Not mimicry, but mirroring:

When you’re dealing with someone from a different culture or industry, using some of their words and phrases (along with gestures and body language) can help you establish a rapport – which makes the whole interaction more comfortable and productive for everyone.  Mimicry is probably going to be taken as mockery!; but (as long as you understand their words and use them in the right way), subtle reflection helps you break down barriers and build bridges.

5  Put the ego aside:

It can be really difficult to say, ‘Sorry, I don’t understand’, can’t it?  Sometimes, we don’t want to embarrass the other person; but sometimes (let’s be honest), – we just don’t want to embarrass ourselves!  Although getting past that creates opportunities, as well as removing obstacles.  The fact that I’m talking to you now is an illustration of that. 

Almost exactly twenty years ago, I popped into an office in London, to drop off a birthday present for a friend.  We only had time for a brief chat because, he explained, he was off to an event about (something) ‘casting’.  We worked in very different industries, but my first instinct was to pretend I’d understood.  ‘No [problem!’ I said (trying to look intelligent) – then curiosity got the better of me and I had to say, ‘Sorry?  Whatcasting?!’  That’s when I discovered podcasting.  That conversation led, fairly directly,  to my change of career – and here we are.

This week’s show (released on 15th April)is about the conflict between the two biggest challenges in organizational communication – which also affect one-to-one conversations.

If you need help with any aspect of conflict management at work, come and talk to me!  All my details are on the website –

http://www.savvybusinessresolutions.com